Im such a loser.

back from a lousy skate session. coz all lepak nvr bring board. plus. Was raining.

ppl keep asking me if im ok. and i kept telling them that i alr am. truth is. im not really.

urgh. wdv. guess im just a loser. im a nobody. well, been feeling that since sec 3. thinking bout past year events arent helping in boosting my self esteem. guess i'll forever be LoserQam.

Luck hasnt been on my side since forever. idk. perhaps i've sinned too much? or maybe im really just set to fail. God's practical joke or experiment. Shit. i've just sinned.

Hope things go my way in future. this isnt the first time im feeling like shit. but his is the worse i can tel you that.

what's hope? what's faith? those words arent in my dictionary.

maybe listening to metal music has changed my mindset bout positiveness. well, been a metalhead since i was like...12?

but im not heartless. i feel other's pain. their troubled minds. and i do feel sorry. but was thinking while walking otw home...what if i was heartless? well, being heartbroken wouldnt mean a thing to me. and i'd love to see others in agony. I feed on thy sorrow. but too bad im a soft-hearted person. i guess?

i have to take care of my mum. my dad being as he is. motherfucker. i'd hope he died. but he's still my dad. i dont ever wanna be like my dad. i wanna be everything like my mum. she a strong person. she's faced many breakdowns in life. yet she's still standing strong. she lives for her children. and that's what kept her going. i admire her. and im like...the black sheep in the family. anything wrong, my fault. or rather, im the first to be accused.

i have be more like my mum. stay strong. dont give in to emo-ness. HAH. but she has the motivation to be like that: her children.

but as for me. what do i have to live for? FML.

eventhough i seem happy. there's an internal bleeding that hurts. somewhere. not a fun feeling. physical pain is fun tho. not emotional.

hope. faith. HAH. my fucking ass.

im not even sure what im gonna do in life anymore. drums? music? hope that'll lead me somewhere.

i kinda envy my elder brother. his life is SET. complete.

driver's licence: check

goals in life: check

straight path to a degree: check

moving to europe after degree: check

found his love: check

idk what else he wants. maybe few other skills he wanna take up?

The Seven Deadly Sins.