Silence

dear Rabbani.,

pls refrain yourself from telling any exciting, boring, stupid or whatever activities or happenings next time. turns out when you wanna go out, she'll say, "alah, nanti balik mesti ader citer mengarut. dah malas nk dengar."

so, do remind yourself to just shut the fuck up and live your own fucking life.

love,

Qamarul.

and yea, who needs it?

Fany Fany Tiffany.

That's me.

yes, i am a metalhead, im into korean pop, i like anime, i enjoy playing games, i love skateboarding, i am a drummer, i dont fancy hxc, i find the singapore hxc scene abit pussy, i LOVE digimon and i have long hair.

i am Qamarul Rabbani. and it was nice knowing you.

goodbye.

Disrespecting.

well, according to my mum, i dont know how to respect other people and treat them well. that's why my friends hate me and my teachers failed me.

i just kept quiet. well, what does she know? wdv.

i failed my studio project. fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck. thanks miss Tan for the wonderful F.

it's alright i guess. dint put much effort in it anyways. shall do better in Sem 3.

japanese, math 3, ADVANCED comG(urgh), C++ and other modules of which idk about.

miss sch. i miss playing dota/cs and shouting in the library.

most of all, i miss getting $50 every week. of which $10 i'll spend in ciggs and save $10. so i spent around $30. :D

i've no more retard buddy(i guess?) and idk why im trying my best to outwit my friend in digimon.

hahaha!! ULTIMATE BOISZXZ~

ok that's Inferno, my greymon. hehhe.

been playing digimon battle online and blackshot ALOT lately. holidays. im gonna return to sch a stupid motherfucker. :/

been watching snsd hello baby too. sunny and tiffany damn freaking pretty!

im juust waiting for the Digimon game to finish its open beta. then can armour digivolve. WHEE~

things to get by this year:

1) Drivers' Licence

2)Pearl Eliminator Double Paddles

3)Chris Adler's Drumsticks.(if can get from LOG concert)

4)a new bag

5)a new shoe

6)a job to support my own expenses (to lessen my mum's burden too)

Stephanie Hwang Mi Young (Tiffany).

i like her smile. HAHAHA.

happy birthday kid leader.

well, this post is dedicated to So Nyeo Shi Dae's leader.

happy birthday Kim Taeyeon!

HAHAHA!

im such a big fan of her. she quite an awesome singer.

she's freaking pretty aint she? hahaha.

ok i got nothing else to write.

TaeYeon Hwaiting!

Bias

my mum asked me to find a hobby and i found 2: metal drumming and skateboarding.

she said she'd support wdv i do. when i go to gigs, she said, "that's it uh, no more after this. i dont wanna hear anything about you going jamming or going gigs".

like. fuck that. supportive my ass.

and when i wanna skate, she said, "no. today you stay home.".

then i asked, "how bout nxt week?"

she replied, "holidays alr, stay home. you cant go out. you have to stay home and help with the house chores."

wtf.

and my elder brother gets to go out, play soccer, see gf, "go sch". fuck him.

and when i wanna buy my drumsticks, she asked me to use my own money when she asked him whether he wants a new paint brush that costs $20 odd.

ppl say life is unfair. to whomever said that, deserves a motherfucking beating from me. male or female. i dont give a fuck. i'll slap you, cut you up and feed you to the dogs.

Sowoneul Malhaebwa

hahahaha!! ok i knw im crazy and gay. but cmon, she's damn cute.

oh yea, i've got final presentation tmr at 11.30am. prepare to die. the sooner, the better. and there's gonna be class course after that. gonna sabotage the lecturers. hehehe. watch out Mr Reghu...*evil grin*

idk where it is but im gonna meet most of the gamer boiszxz at j.e mrt. friday event at ECP canceled. can go jamming with thomas and friends. choo! choo! HAHAHA!!

im high on So Nyuh Shi Dae(snsd/Girls Generation). and im listening to Wonder Girls yet again. HAHAH!! yoobin Fucking HOT pls...

alright sleep time. Die tomorrow. and i still have 12 sticks of Malboro i guess.? hehehe

Distracted.

omg. she's damn cute right? i know. hahaha. if only chinese girls in singapore looks somewhat like her. oooh. wash eyes.

ok, back to coding

Her.

im insane.

i have an imaginary friend.

she's cute. she likes old sch rock and she's one hell of a rocker chick.

cute face, sweet voice, lovely eyes.

If only you were True.

I'd fall for you anytime. HAHAHA.

see? toldya im insane.

R.A.T. 9

this is a motherfucking cool shit ass bitch mouse. if only i could get my hands on this. hahaha. looks waay cooler then razer mouses dont you think?

we're in and we're out.

in and out. byebye .

follow the flow. live life. read books. skate. . music. go sch. do your fucking homework qam. pls.

i miss writing looong essays.

decipher.

Many among so very few

there's quite a number of ppl in my life. so some of the things i say might not be about you. (whoever 'you' are).

stupid playground makes me sick. hahaha. fail.

oh! and just wanna say that im taking drivers' license during the holidays. whee!

me.

you've changed me. i think you made it worse.

angry, hated motherfucker. i am

Worse

distant. changed. we are.

intrigue

poetry. very intriguing.

im practicing intrigue.

im evil. im always praying for your downfall just because you caused mine.

im forever going to feel this way untill the day you fall.

life is a bitch, get along.

fucking stupid statement.

life isnt a bitch if you will it not. dumbass.

im listening to some stupid song.

and im so disgusted with you "act cute". if you are really that type of person, just fuck off from my life please. will be greatly appreciated.

secret.

not keeping anything from you.

just keeping it to myself.

im just waiting.

life is about waiting...for the right moment to act.

omg. oh fuck!

went to sch for progress check. bla bla bla. SCH. sheesh.

forgot to bring the letter for retard. damn. tot of rewriting while i was in sch. was reading book then totally forgot all abt it. hahaha. fail me.

met her at bishan. she wore this nice black denim jacket. damn nice. seriously. then we went orchard. failed a few time. walked in circles. hahah!!

then kakak called asking where i am. then we rushed to meet her at wisma.

she kept looking at amy one kind. i felt a grim disturbance. oh wells.

then paid like...7.60 for 2 coffees? heheh. kakak the best. =D

treated retard, tho she wanted to pay. but a promise is a promise girl. sorry. hehehe.

went borders. looked at books. i kept noticing the sadistic books. we bitched about him the whole time we were there. we're mean ppl. hahhaah. but what to do, him being as he is.

then we went amk, met the rest there. shocked to see him there. taik. but oh wells. hahaha. i just love it when my retard tells me funny stories. her face when she expresses it...damn funny. hahah.

first impression eh amy. "oh shit! walk away qam. keep walking."

then we are what we are now. HunterGirl and Wizardboy. (coz you hunter and i always wanted to be a wizard. heh).

went home, played game. now time to sleep. goodnight world.

oh yea, we saw this cute kitty when otw to makan. =)

HOW WAS THIS NOT PUBLISHED? SUPPOSED TO BE YESTERDAY. DUMBFUCK.

Father Ov Terror.

meeting my mental patient tmr.

she owes me loads of stories. personal ones too.

hahaha.

SAMAIRE ARMSTRONG IS MY STEADY LOVE. <3

Amidst the Chaos.

I woke up this morning, vaccuumed the house and had breakfast. Honeybunches of oats. yum.

STILL, im having this lazy/tired attitude. gotta do my project, read my book and clean my room.

meeting Ammarah tommorow. But i gotta go to sch first. got progress check.

The tiny glimmer ov hope is fading. what would i have to do to make it shine as brightly? i dont know.

Hope that they all die. Oh, i would LOVE that. Tho onli one of them has affected my life. the rest, not much.

Retard buddy has some issues with some people, few of those are which i hate. gotta hear it all from HER on weds. meeting kakak too. weds is gonna be full of ice blast. =/

You are the Moon ov my Nights.

She's hot in every way. and im also referring to you, my friend.

thanks 'friend' for appearing into my life.

hate post again.

I simply ddont like him. He's lame, idiotic, sort of an attention seeker and most of all, he ruins my life.

Motherfucker. I just wished you'd die. what to you have that i dont? Fuck. Im tearing again. Im so vulnerable. Why? I really....yes i do. But...oh well.

That's all you can say, qamarul rabbani? Pathetic. I knw how it feels. Be patient. Remember what kelvin and ferrik said? Hahaha. I fucking laughed at that.

Well, at least she still....yes. Make use of it. Maybe one day...dont you want that? I'm pretty sure you do. Why the hate post? Dumbass. She reads, u die. Dont make her worry bout you. Coz one day, she's gonna be tired of it. Of all this bullshit you do...so pls, stop.

You just live life. Bored? Study, read your book, do your project, fund a job during holidays, take the driver's licence, go jamming, work on the fall. See? You've got alot to do this holiday. Your life isnt boring. Compared to others...sure you're living as if you've no father. So dont be like him. Pls. You will ruin your own life...
Alright, go finish your book. Hekp your mum. Or she wont give you ur $60. Then u cant treat your beloved retard buddy...

I'll leave you to think. Bear in mind what ferril said. Theres a glimmer of it...

Take care my child. Be strong.

Happy Valentines

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman.

Mother.

sometimes i really do HATE my mum. for the moment.

every mistakes that i do, she make such a big fuss and go all about how my other siblings arent like this, that they are way better then me and im always the troublemaker.

the worse thing, "you wanna be like your father issit?" or "you really are you father's son".

FUCK. you really want me to be like your husband issit? knn.

i've got enough to think about. my sch and my own life. i dont need this from you. all i need is encouragement.

this is how i feel anyways. my elder will sure to FUCKING disagree with me and make me think that im wrong.

im like my mother. im on my own now. like how she was during her time.

and she said she doesnt wanna be like her mother. well, she's approx 20% of that.

Happy Lonely Valentines Qamarul.

Wednesday.

damn. supposed to meet Ammarah buddy at woodlands around 1.30-ish. then mum asked me to do chore before i go out. dammit. could've at least talked abit. oh wells. maybe next time. go borders and starbucks. hahaha.

met yas and wira instead. diq wanted to study.

went town. met kakak at starbucks. discounted. hee! supposed to be free uhh. but too bad under surveillance. then went borders. that's all.

bla bla bla...oh well.

i guess bla bla bla bla bla bla. but, bla bla bla bla bla... =/

bodoh!

EH PUKIMAK TKMO EMO LA SIAL! KENTAL PE KAU.

BUAT MALU JER.

Altered.

things have changed.

the way we talk, how we greet our jokes etc.

idk. hahaha. kay enough.

dont wanna make it worse.

forget i ever typed this. i dont even wanna type this. coz im bored and im taking a break from msn and reading, im typing this. lalala~ hahaha.

homework and assignments

♥ YUZALINA ** says:

*u seee. dont alwaes think bout urself. be happy for her if u really love her

*u cnt be behaving lk dat.

*it'll make her feel worse

3 stuffs to hand in tmr. shitzzz.

left my mouse pad at ayie's. nabei.

i wanna read my book pls!!

worried.

there's many things im worried about.

but it all comes down to one thing.

FUTURE.

yes, i do have a phobia of the future.

im worried bout my studies, whether what im doing in life right now will be worth while or not, about some of my friends, my retard buddy, and my mum.

im fearing that i might fail a module and would have to retake it next YEAR. fucking waste of time. im down with a sprained ankle, cant do drum tracking and video record on weds. fuck. i wanted to cover 4 LOG songs.

im worried bout my health too. im not exactly the healthy eater. my mum constantly reminds me, "you dad is diabetic, dont follow in his footsteps. cut down on ur sweet stuffs and coffee".

i love coffee and sweet stuffs. guess i'll have to cut down on that. better start to frequent the gym. at least once a week.

and you're not the onli person in my life. so dont be affected about what i write here. might not be referring to you. well, sometimes it does. again. not referring to you. yea. maybe you. HAHAHA!! i love screwing up ppl's minds. implant fear and paranoia into their minds.

im so evil. diam laa~

right. study time.

ouchie

sprained my ankle. ayul was in shock. HAHAH!! sad he had to witness it happen.

fucking pain.

gym tmr. =D

2 projects to do.

meeting xiaomeimei tmr for starbucks @ amk.

sch finish at 6.

now leg still in pain.

wanna read finish part 1 of "the magicians' guild" trilogy.

weds, cant do recording due to ankle.

urgh.

Typo error

sorry ppl-who-read-my-blog

the previous post was "i wish she would read this". was supposed to be "i wish she WOULDN'T read this."

so...yeah.

Studio project coming up. i just woke up. mum, dad and sis went to m'sia, younger bro dunno go where. me and my elder bro left in house.

gonna read my book, revise on physics and...practice Broken hands, dead seeds and set to fail for the contest. hopefully i can win the Chris Adler signature snare. fucking awesome.

i wish i could go back to December and alter the course. Oh well. let's see what the future has in store for me. for us all.

girl,

why would even think that you shld be the one doing all those instead of me? i didnt even thought that you were selfish, and i dont think you are. like what you always say, "things happen for a reason.". i miss December. the way we talk to each other changed after that incident. i cant explain. and i sensed that you dint wanna tell me something that afternoon.i signaled to ur adik, he shrugged. that night, after your friend told me, i...felt a cold chill down my spine. i sat there, stiff. was as if insides were turning solid. Ice if you would. i didnt believed her. didnt want to. then i texted you asking how you were. haha. then you called me. then, it began. yes. since that day, everything changed. haha. thought that 2010 would be different. never thought it would be THIS different. what a start to the year.

anyways, dont do anything stupid, stress yourself out, feel guilty and angry and all that. i'll go to ur house and pinch you. haha.

and yea, i knw that we'll be there for each other. but oh how i wished...nvm.

guess i'll see you soon? for...haha...wdv you "owe" me.

take really good care of yourself. you have wonderful friends surrounding you.

good luck for final exams and Total Chaos 2.

Just when i thought that...

oi oi~~

dint follow the rest for LY's bdae @ Swensens. had to stay home and help mum

help for fuck? i helped, got a scolding then she said, "if u dont wanna help then get lost."

oh trust me...i intend to.

shit. i've just sinned. God is watching. im such a Setan.

anyways, been reading "the magicians' Guild trology."

nice book.

Anyone kind enough to lend me cymbals? im gonna try for the LOG drum cover contest. thx.

thinking bout it on the way home from skate sesh.

felt like killing myself again. HAHA! naah. dont worry.

i feel like killing myself everytime i think about it.

dint think it would hurt so much for so long.

oh how i wish she would not read this paragraph.

hahah. im such a dumbfuck for a start.

im like...being stupid. she alr has found a lover, yet im feeling this way.

i deserve a sword through my neck.

and to think...i'd be spending valentines day with a special someone this year...though it'll be the first time. hah. so much for that huh qam? i need an elder sister...hahah!! i have actually. But, she's a busy woman. oh wells. guess i'll just suck it up and live my boring life as it is...

jollygood night world. will greet you again first thing in the morn. toodles.

guess this is what my corpse'll look like. =/

Qam, Dont.

shit!

cant say shit here. hahah! GG

so i'll just keep my feelings and thoughts to myself.

all the more reason for me to...

but too bad...

furthermore...

yea...

i do but i cant. how?

Anxiety. Paranioa. Again.

im not buyin' it anymore. fuck this bullshit. i dont give a fuck.

im just an angry person.

i feel like killing right now.

i always do.

fuck you motherfucker.

Suck it up man.

ComG was a GG. HAHAH!!

i think i fail. shit. dont wanna talk abt it. HAHA! fucking pissed off in class.

went skate at Hyper with the guysss. rahim, hazwan and ryemie were there too. felt high just now. was in the mood to skate. landed few of the hardest tricks i tried so far. varial sexchange, 360 flip, fakie 360 flip, double flip. proud of my self. haha! ray lost his nut. coz he kept saying "better think nut~". maybe that's why. LAME.

went home with most of em'.

tmr is stay-home day. helping mum as usual. no one home to help. have to take up the responsibility as a son. speaking of which, saw this cute lil' kid. cant talk yet. fucking cute. kept observing her and her young mom or was it sister? IDK IDC. hahaha!! was reading my book anw.

watching movie this friday. at cck i guess? watching with the guysss and amy & co. Amy asked, "you friends all scary or not? >.<".

i laughed. i love my retarded mei mei. never fail to make me laugh. that's the onli thing u never fail at. the rest all u fail. XD k dont kill me.

kak anna asked me to drum for vulgate. idk if i shld give it a try. oh wells.

im sleepy but gonna watch fairy tail. :)

romorse if for the dead but im alive. so im not regretting. hahah!

but i sure do miss December. that was when i first knew her.

we hadnt talk in person yet. just fb and msn. then webcam. haha!

so fun.

k qam stop, kau giler pe? dier kan...

oh ye ehh. shit. bdh nyer aku. haha. sry uh.

k tkper. kau gi blajar pas tu kau maen game.

kay best.

Slow down there, boy.

still feeling sick. my voice still sexy.

woke up at 8, helped mum, got scolded/shouted at/dunno. used to it. everyone in the family gets that from my mum. hahhah.

then ate tortillas and naan with tandoori chicken. used nacho cheese instead of mayonnaise. cool huh?

weekends are a bore to me. i've no more money, im sick and there's assignment to be done. fuck.

there's nothing else to say.

gonna pester kak anna abt who Emy is untill she tell me. MUAHAHA!! no use asking my elder brother also. he wont tell. nabei cbknn.

test on monday. going gym, game @ library and going aiden's house for drum tracking. hopefully im on form. heheh.

recording originals and just messing around. =D

using his friend's irong cobra. WOO!

oh! and i have to pester Amy till she gimme starbucks also. heh heh heh.

Amy if u're reading this, im free on tues after 6. =D if you're meeting the rest or wdv, tag me

along. x)

ok bai.

heres some unglam photos of the ppl that came to the gig.

i look fucking unglam in most of the photos.

\m/

sch was...ok.

had software engineering test just now. doable. haha! drew a HUD of dragonica. =)

thin can manage a pass. whee!

then went to south canteen. was wearing my morbid angel. then a lecturer came to me and said,

"you listen to old bands?"

"yeap. one of the many bands i listen to."

"hmm. good good. nowadays not many teenagers listen to the old sch stuff. like pantera, metallica, slayer, iron maiden, venom, morbid angel..yea you get my drift"

"couldnt agree more sir. are you a fan of brutal music as well?"

"still am, though im old. used to be a metalhead like you. long hair all. mixed around here and there...do you listen to local bands? like rudra?"

"oh! i know rudra! and yea the kids nowadays listen to dunno what."

"precisely! they listen to dunno what hardcore? and they wear like...skaters? that isnt even brutal. you want brutal, go to a real metal gig. all black and some of the black metal bands really do dress up. i like that"

"ok i'll see you around. stay metal."

was a pleasant surprise. dint know any lecturer would be a metalhead once. haha! well, as the oldies would say, "i was once like you."

anyways, im down with sore throat, fever and dunno what else. better quit smoking. draining my stamina and life.

and kak anna wants to intro me to her friend. idk who. and idk for what. sheesh. kinda scary. eee.

ok so, went library for dota session after math tutorial. wei yang being a total pussy ass loser. losing like fuck, leave game. then he kpkb. cibai. kena owned just admit uh. dont blame team mate. who fucking asked you to farm and not help in the ganks?

my PA rocks! owned. HAHAH! all i gotta do is just farm and play safe till im lv 11. by the time alr have threads, HOD and battlefury. hyper farming for butterfly. and can help in ganks. massive damage. LOL. teaming with nick, JH and Raj is the fucking best. win or lose, still laugh. =]

this sore throat is really killing me.

Whoa shit.

greetings.

something fucked happened just now when walking from sch. 2 girls. both wearing cross pendants. they were talking thrash bout how similar Islam and christianity are. then they were like...dissing muslims for "following them". fuck ur bull ass shit la cibai.

i dont think i wanna date a christian girl. like fuck. you guys really turned me into a real anti-christ. SHEMHAMFORASH BITCHES!

tmr meeting xiaomei for starbucks! whee! was supposed to be sunday lor! walao. i think she damn high that day then she forget. sheesh.

so...nothing else happened today. usual day.

and wira havent upload the photos yet. !@#$!#@ busy doing project.

and he dont wanna tell me anything. nabei. how to help? haha. fail.

Qam(L) blast beats. says:

*idk i go schh for what also.

*i missed 1st lecture...

*then i skipped 2nd lecture

*HAHAHAHHA

*i go skate.

*tho awethome.

Hell Yeah It's AMY what what what what what says:

*wtf

*hahahahha

*go to sch for the sake of gg

HAHAHAHHA!!! i FUCKING LAUGHED LIKIE SHIT OKAY...

Fail.com

worse gig ever.

eeeeeeee. stupid amp. cibai. ear pain.

dont wanna remember it. hahah!

faiz failed. LR was performing. then he dunno do what then go infront. then amy wanated to infront too. then she pushed him, giving him the cibai-go-away-la-fuck kinda look. HAHAHA. epic funny.

fucking loads of hxc kids. honestly. hxc dancing is...sorta ok. but i just dont like 2-step. thomas hxc dance damn scary. but he doesnt lose his balance as much as most do.

everytimme i see ppl 2-stepping, i feel like going in and mosh. hahah!!

i dont think my drumming is getting any better. i need to practice. gonna save up for iron cobra power glide. fucking ex. ok no wait. kinda avg comparesd to DW and pearl eliminator series. =/

went makan at zamzam, did loads of stupid things like stealing eggs and throwing them on a bus.....

then went city hall. lepak. then go home.

and my band mates kept blaming themselves for the stupid fucked up performance. esp me.

oh wells, experiences makes you better.

and im thinking of covering some whitechapel stuffs. =D

sometimes i envy you. even at this very moment.

Feelings

Sleepy! fuck.

i onli had a total of 4hrs of sleep in 2 days. hahah!

then walk around town. nafa and lasalle open house. went to nafa first. reached there, some hot girl, a nafa student, came up to me with a mic.

"hi! u have very long hair. are you here coz u're interested in joining nafa?"

"err. im just following my friends. and im in nyp now."

"oh...are you planning to join nafa after ur ns or...? and which department are you interested in joining.?"

"err...idk if i wanna join. but im interested in music"

"ahh. yes, you seemed like the musician type. coz u got long hair."

i totally LOL-ed at that last sentence. hahah! but she's kinda hot anyways. =D

then went laselle, then starbucks at dhoby, then went blackhole. walked all the way from dhoby to blackhole.

and now i prefer to spell blackhole as blvckhole. seems cooler. x)

performing tmr! been so long....playing lamb of god covers. gonna make sure everyone moshes.

if not i label them as pussies for life. HAHAH!

and ezzaty sis failed today. hahah!! late for work. i think her first day? idk. hehehe.

and i forgot She frequents my blog. XD.

bye!

i want you dead.

hi mofos.

fucking assignment handed in. miracles do happen after all. HAHAH.

managed to display 2 rotating 3d objects. a cube and a pyramid. =D

went jamming with afterburn. got a new vocalist, Alexis. cool guy.

then went makan. nick and aiden talked crap. again. mike too. bunch of retard. i fucking love this band! x)

then went home. fucking bored dunno what to do. i conditioned my hair. that that's the outcome. fucking irritating. keep covering my face. had to mess it up a lil to make it stay in place for abt...few secs?

i feel that i've lost my retard buddy. she's not as retarded as how i first knew her. fucking fun.

now like...boring. coz she's always with her boyfie. she's having the time of her life. hahaha. guess having a boyfriend has reduced her level of retardedness towards me? idk. idc.

zaty sister! come nyp! can go home tgt. =D

im tired. tired of it all. now it's my turn to wait. and watch you decay slowly. and perhaps a lovely hot girl will ask me out? =D

that would be fucking epic.

"wonder how it feels to like someone and having her to at least like you back...hmm."

Fuck

Frost is confined. Kelvin has to attend his grandma's wake. and we have no vocalist for this sunday's gig. hooray...not.

FUCK LA.

Dreams

gonna finish ACPP now. cibai.

the stomach ache not helping laa fuck.

thanks to the mcspicy i had before heading home from sch just now.

feels like im digesting needles. poking my intestines. not a fun feeling mind you.

dreamt a stupid whacky dream just now when i was sleeping during software engineering.

he killed her, she was smoking in a corner, a macho ninja dude was flying dunno where and i drowned. what does that all mean? idk.

ok here's a few pic from past few days.

Over and under.

what up.

back from the outside world. haha!

went to SP with Dharsh and rinney(idk how to spell).

met Ray there. took some pop corn. then met Yat at some study corner. Hanis appeared from his bontot uhh. Diam laa~

Then Wira came from NP when we were smoking outside.

then went back inside. idk go where. then followed Dharsh to Dover mrt to fetch Belle.

*Belle is Dharsh's friend. nvr met her before.

yea so. me, Ray, Yat, Wira, Dharsh and Belle went to NP after that. meeting yas there.

Belle gave me her donuts she got from he goodie bag. she doesnt like chocolate that much. wth?!

yea so we went outside, smoke again, then headed for games room. played jenga, taboo and slacked.

Hey apple! Hey apple! HAHAHAH! irritating shizzzz.

then went dhoby. Dharsh got some class. so i hanged out with Belle. Thanks to her,i appreciate my life more. talked about some shit. not gonna mention.

then went 7-11, bought her winston reds, went outside, talked abit more, then dharsh apepared. BAM!

lepak abit more infront of cathay then walked to somerset. went OG for awhile to say hi her her gf. then headed back home.

hope she has a fucking better future. My Prayers for you my new friend. =)

im over it Dharsh! oh ya, u alr know. HAHHA! I FAIL.

Something's wrong with you Qam

So much for sleeping at 10. hah.

been feeling unhealthy. i get fatigued easily, i have no appetite and my ass hurts.

so much for everythin eh Qam - Afiq.

haha. u got me thinking. i love thinking. i miss science. physics. will be learning that nxt week during Math. yipee(not really jolly bout it)

beginning to hate the people around me. not IWA tho. their my bros.

tease me as they will but what's life w/o humour?

noticed a thing or two. hah. i dint know that i'd be a significant someone in others' lives.

Losing Faith in Humanity.

Im such a loser.

back from a lousy skate session. coz all lepak nvr bring board. plus. Was raining.

ppl keep asking me if im ok. and i kept telling them that i alr am. truth is. im not really.

urgh. wdv. guess im just a loser. im a nobody. well, been feeling that since sec 3. thinking bout past year events arent helping in boosting my self esteem. guess i'll forever be LoserQam.

Luck hasnt been on my side since forever. idk. perhaps i've sinned too much? or maybe im really just set to fail. God's practical joke or experiment. Shit. i've just sinned.

Hope things go my way in future. this isnt the first time im feeling like shit. but his is the worse i can tel you that.

what's hope? what's faith? those words arent in my dictionary.

maybe listening to metal music has changed my mindset bout positiveness. well, been a metalhead since i was like...12?

but im not heartless. i feel other's pain. their troubled minds. and i do feel sorry. but was thinking while walking otw home...what if i was heartless? well, being heartbroken wouldnt mean a thing to me. and i'd love to see others in agony. I feed on thy sorrow. but too bad im a soft-hearted person. i guess?

i have to take care of my mum. my dad being as he is. motherfucker. i'd hope he died. but he's still my dad. i dont ever wanna be like my dad. i wanna be everything like my mum. she a strong person. she's faced many breakdowns in life. yet she's still standing strong. she lives for her children. and that's what kept her going. i admire her. and im like...the black sheep in the family. anything wrong, my fault. or rather, im the first to be accused.

i have be more like my mum. stay strong. dont give in to emo-ness. HAH. but she has the motivation to be like that: her children.

but as for me. what do i have to live for? FML.

eventhough i seem happy. there's an internal bleeding that hurts. somewhere. not a fun feeling. physical pain is fun tho. not emotional.

hope. faith. HAH. my fucking ass.

im not even sure what im gonna do in life anymore. drums? music? hope that'll lead me somewhere.

i kinda envy my elder brother. his life is SET. complete.

driver's licence: check

goals in life: check

straight path to a degree: check

moving to europe after degree: check

found his love: check

idk what else he wants. maybe few other skills he wanna take up?

The Seven Deadly Sins.

Happy Jolly. NOT.

Shemhamforash motherfuckers! ok like. to those who dont know what it means, it means "hail Satan".

and i kept thinking that Satan will disguise himself as Stan. HAHAH! stanley. diam laa~

anw, think everything's fine now. she's happy with him. bla bla bla yada yada boom. and he's a lucky one. coz she's fucking amazing. make her happy bro. but i'll still be her retard buddy. x)

need to focus on sch. fuck. i feel so stupid. i kept copying my friends work. im so dependent on them. just hoping i dont piss them off.

saturday sisha. i wanna go LAN! i own you sluts anyday man. huahuahuah.

Set to fail.

i think im a fucking selfish person. i think? idk. confusion. (shit! must be that nabei mewtwo. fer fargh!)

yea. so. been thinking bout things...

felt really bad. really. coz i was like. putting all the blame on him. cmon...emotionally unstable and shit? you'd tend to think irrationally and u dont wanna think bout the consequences.

i thought that he was selfish and bastard and all coz like, since he knows how it felt like, he still does it to me. wa fuck. the feeling of annihilating was overwhelming.

but then i realised. i dont want her to be more upset/unhappy then she is right now. i cant force things. coz it'll be like...forceful? HAH. kay fuck. i cant think right now.

sleepy + stress from ComG + thoughts about recent events = motherfucking headache.

though im still in disbelief, i still gotta accept it. nabei.

hatred, self-disgust, sorrow, anguish. all these emotions will overwhelm me when i think bout it.

she feels guilty. im pissed off. and he's in the middle of it. but come ti think of it. im in the middle of them. i shld prolly get the fuck out of the fucking way. since they've fallen for each other. Fate is in God's Hands. i cant do shit bout it cant i? Everything happens for a fucking reason. all i can do now is pray.

i want her to be motherfucking happy. she's a bubbly girl. when she's joyful, her aura overpowers all negativity. i saw it happen before. i think? HAH.

"I feel sad but really, that's fine by me because I'm able to get to know you better ^.^

Somehow, Qam showed me that while I was talking to him." - him

i dint really get what he meant. and idk how to react to that. =/

i said this before. i cant force things. everything happens for a fucking reason.

i guess im just set to fail. fail in everything.

i need a new blog skin. tagboard maybe? but my friends sure spam crap. cheeeebaaaai.

and im think im gonna link ppl soon. if i have mood or im not lazy.

"Fuck life. Fuck you. Fuck everything. i just wanna play ValkyrieSky".

Daijobu.

what up fuckers!

sch started. like fuck! tot of going gym today. but mr Ng held Data Struct from 2.30 - 5.

haiyak...i think im becoming stupid. idk shit bout sch. i have to rely on Nic everytime for DataStructs. Guilty much? yeh.

went AMK to meet, Enaa, Andy, Joe, Nizam, Dharshy, Shahrul and...Amy. =D

was scared at first. tot that she dint wanna talk to me. and that she dint wanna see my face. so i went outside. Turns out she felt the same way. =/

anw, went banquet, eat. then lepak for awhile.

Andy having girl problems...idk how to help also. i feel so useless. sry bro. x(

well, had fun laa. and me and amy are on talking terms. so everything's fine i guess?

Dharshy is of great help. ths sis. n_n

im gonna be ok after all.

and i dont wanna lose you. but i'll respect your decisions. do what u must. just promise u'll be ok.

Bullied

why do ppl keep stealing what i have? ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR.

it's like...u finally have something/someone in ur life that you longed for.

then all of a sudden u lose all that to someone else.

not the first time but.

i fucking loved her. pls.

inflicting pain helps a lil'

but nothing can erase this pain inside me. NOTHING.

hope she still talks to me.

Wasted time

You and I together in our lives
Sacred ties would never fray
Then why can't I let myself tell lies
And watch you die every day I think back to the times
When dreams were what mattered
Tough talking youth naivete


You said you never let me down
But the horse stampedes and rages
In the name of desperation

Is it all just wasted time
Can you look at yourself
When you think of what
You left behind

Is it all just wasted time
Can you live with yourself
When you think of what
You left behind

Paranoid delusions they haunt you
Where's my friend I used to know
He's all alone
He's buried deep within a carcass
Searching for a soul

Can you feel me inside your heart
As it's bleeding
Why can't you belive you
can't be loved

I hear you scream in agony
And the horse stampedes and rages
In the name of desperation

Is it all just wasted time
Can you look at yourself
When you think of what
You left behind

Is it all just wasted time
Can you live with yourself
When you think of what
You left behind

You said you never let me down
But the horse stampedes and rages
In the name of desperation

Is it all just wasted time
Can you look at yourself
When you think of what
You left behind

Is it all just wasted time
Can you live with yourself
When you think of what
You left behind

The sun will rise again
The earth will turn to sand
Creation's colors seem to fade to grey
And you'll see the sickly hands of time
Will write your final rhyme
And end a memory

I never thought you'd let it get
this far, boy

runaway kid

i wanna escape from it all. Fuck you and make sure u make her happy. U're gonna fucking regret it if you dont. I'll fucking murder you if u hxc dance infront of my fucking face.

Dont let him hurt you. Remember. U'll always have me. Ur retard buddy.

Gonna leave this space for awhile. Will be back when im feeling better or if i have the urge to blog.


P/S: blogging using my phone is fucking fun. O)

God is funny

im blogging tru my phone.

Im lying in bed. Still thinking. Why dint she tell me when we're at cck? That fucking puzzles me. I knw she doesnt wanna hurt me.

And it fucking murders me to see the pic of them tgt...


I need to kill but, a broken promise.

been listening to sad songs. Bfmv helps alot.

Hoping this isnt goodbye.

Being watched.

u know blogging is like...where i let out my feelings right?

but i knw she frequents my blog. so i cant really say what i wanna say.

but all i can say is this...

FUCK. MY. LIFE.

I am so gonna kill you u bastard.

no fucking wonder.

Future

i feel that i have to take things slow. i cant fucking rush things.

gotta change my ways. i think im too hyper.

gotta learn to relax.

gotta learn to lower down the fucking tempo.

life is like music.

being a drummer, u have to keep the tempo just right. not too fast nor too slow.

too fast and bandmates will blame you. too slow and the song gets boring.

reason for life being like music: too slow, it's pretty boring. too fast and it ends fast.

talked things out with her.

idk if there'll be "us" but...

i'm confident that one day there is.

besides, she's got alot to settle right now. shall not make things more complex/frustrating/difficult for her. =D

and dont worry...

though a lil' taken aback, i wont do anything stupid. like cracking my drumstick. BLEAH! so fucking dumb of me. now i need new pair of sticks. x(

P/S: you're one hellofaGirl you know that? XD XD.

and you're FUCKING AMAZING.

Qam, you dumb shit.

ok like...i keep telling ppl not to worry/be happy bla bla bla.

waa fuck. im such a hypocrite. shizzzz

kay anw, i must emit positive vibes more often. hahaha!! shldnt be paranoid.

if you're happy, happy things will come to you.

and i know it will. i'll just wait. while playing mmorpg(coz it's the best time killer. HAHA)

meeting her later. and Andy got some trouble i duno what. hope he's fine. dont cry la adek. walao. must man u know...

kay im off.

im worried

been thinking the whole day.

amy's down with fever. so we cant meet. AGAIN. been since tuesday that i wanted to meet her.

i dont want to think the negatives but. cant help it can i?

i really wanna see you amy. i really do.

got a new phone. black nokia E63. there's no fucking usb cable. how to fucking xfer files? dumb fuck.

qam, just chill. she sure reply one. she hasnt said goodbye yet. she's just taken aback. all will go fine. just talk things out with her. - Ezzaty sister.

thanks sis. that helped me relax abit. all i need: patience.